Irony
The most usable defintion in Webster's dictionary for irony is:
(1) : incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result
(2) : an event or result marked by such incongruity
After all the pro Mac talk I've been spewing, I was half expecting my PC to blow up in anger and retaliation against the Mactopia I have been building in my mind, talking and writing about in this blog for the last several months.
Not so, I finally got around to firing up my 'new' Mac Mini to actually start doing something with it instead of just talking about it all the time (as you can see I do). I installed a few small apps, did some small OS X updates, installed some medical software and then bang... a CD gets stuck in the drive. The first thing I tried were some Unix commands like drutil and disktool but these don't do shit if OS X no longer detects a disc in the drive (which System Profiler did not).
A search for the problem brought me to a few Apple user sites as well as an Apple support page that advised to:
and if that didn't work to:
and if that didn't work to:
Well the first two didn't work and before trying the third option I had to find out what the Command and Option equivalents were on a PC keyboard. No biggie, I learned from this page and others that Command = Control and Option = Alt on a PC keyboard. Good enough I thought, that's similar to the very well-worn Ctrl-Alt-Del key combination to enter the BIOS on a PC.
Several minutes and restart attempts later...
...and more Googling:
I found a page where a fellow had the same problem, he couldn't access the Open Firmware using the mapped keyboard combination on his Logitech keyboard. He went on to learn from Apple this was a known issue with Logitech keyboards -- they seem to be the only keybaords that do this and Logitech didn't plan on fixing it. Thanks Logitech. Can you guess what kind of keyboard I have?
Okay I thought, I'll buy an Apple keyboard; they're only $40 -- even I can afford that. So, who sells Apple keyboards in my hometown? Anyone, anyone? That's right, no fucking body; well practically anyway:
Future Shit? No stock.
Worst Buy? No locations in my city.
Staples? Well, yes, it's right in their flyer but the cow on the phone at the local store curtly told me "Staples doesn't carry Apple products and never did".
So I guess you're wondering where the irony comes into play. Well, the irony in this little adventure is that my Mac mini has been sitting on my desk looking pretty for a long time now and the first time I actually try to use it, it practically fucking breaks on me to the point that I now have to take it in for service, lest I void the warranty by cracking the plastic bitch open myself. For a device that was supposed to allow me to forget all of -- okay, some of -- my Microsoft woes, I'm sure off to a rip-roaring start, aren't I?
Wait, it gets better. Since I couldn't do anything else, I opted to install the OS X.4.8 update, on the off-chance the problem would correct itself after its installation. After restart, the actual DVD-R drive no longer shows up in System Profiler at all. See, it just keeps getting better.
I called Apple Support and apart from being flabbergasted by the finer details of the standard warranty support agreement, I learned that intel Macs don't have Open Firmware. So even if I bought a new Apple keyboard I would still be racking my brain trying to eject this fucking CD -- the 'last resort' from all the solutions I read through indicated that the eject cd command via the Open Firmware utility was just that, the last thing that can potentially fix the issue before needing to take it to the geniuses at the Apple Store or some other authorized Apple dealer (the last thing to do without voiding the warranty, that is).
What the fuck? What if the smart alec dweebs at the Apple Store have access to better software utilties that can force eject the optical drive, utilities that I do not have access to? Is it then still called a software issue? It better fucking not be is all I have to say. And what if it's thought that my non-Apple-based-software CD that's stuck in the drive is somehow the culprit? Will that also be deemed a software issue?
Only time will tell, and of course I will let you know the fallout.
In conclusion, I have to say that if this DVD-R drive is a dud and therefore an 'official' hardware issue (to Apple), cool; my drive will be replaced and I'll be able to get on with my life using my new Mac. If not, and it is somehow deemed a software issue by the hypointelligent Apple geniuses**, then I may have to rip someone a new asshole at Apple.
Follow-up:
A couple days later after not playing with it at all, I turned it back on... the CD-ROM mounted on the desktop and ejected without a hitch. I needed to cool off and be away from it, and vice versa for the Mac incidentally. Since that initial frustrating debacle, our relationship has been going very well.
* rectal orifice, to be more specific
** which, by the way, require an appointment booked in advance to see
(1) : incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result
(2) : an event or result marked by such incongruity
After all the pro Mac talk I've been spewing, I was half expecting my PC to blow up in anger and retaliation against the Mactopia I have been building in my mind, talking and writing about in this blog for the last several months.
Not so, I finally got around to firing up my 'new' Mac Mini to actually start doing something with it instead of just talking about it all the time (as you can see I do). I installed a few small apps, did some small OS X updates, installed some medical software and then bang... a CD gets stuck in the drive. The first thing I tried were some Unix commands like drutil and disktool but these don't do shit if OS X no longer detects a disc in the drive (which System Profiler did not).
A search for the problem brought me to a few Apple user sites as well as an Apple support page that advised to:
restart holding down a mouse button after the startup sound, which 'sometimes' releases optical media from a drive.
and if that didn't work to:
restart holding the x key after the startup sound, and on restart trying to eject from iTunes or iDVD.
and if that didn't work to:
restart and access Apple's Open Firmware utility by holding down Command, Option, O, F, then typing 'eject cd' at the command prompt.
Well the first two didn't work and before trying the third option I had to find out what the Command and Option equivalents were on a PC keyboard. No biggie, I learned from this page and others that Command = Control and Option = Alt on a PC keyboard. Good enough I thought, that's similar to the very well-worn Ctrl-Alt-Del key combination to enter the BIOS on a PC.
Several minutes and restart attempts later...
Why can't I get this fucker to access the Open Firmware utility?
...and more Googling:
I found a page where a fellow had the same problem, he couldn't access the Open Firmware using the mapped keyboard combination on his Logitech keyboard. He went on to learn from Apple this was a known issue with Logitech keyboards -- they seem to be the only keybaords that do this and Logitech didn't plan on fixing it. Thanks Logitech. Can you guess what kind of keyboard I have?
Okay I thought, I'll buy an Apple keyboard; they're only $40 -- even I can afford that. So, who sells Apple keyboards in my hometown? Anyone, anyone? That's right, no fucking body; well practically anyway:
Future Shit? No stock.
Worst Buy? No locations in my city.
Staples? Well, yes, it's right in their flyer but the cow on the phone at the local store curtly told me "Staples doesn't carry Apple products and never did".
I told this unloving cow to find a PC keyboard and shove it halfway up her ass, then to remove the PC keyboard and replace it with an Apple keyboard when one finally did arrive in store... this time shoving it all the way up. In this way, I said, she could more easily distinguish the product using her ass* and that that should prove more useful to her than her eyes.
So I guess you're wondering where the irony comes into play. Well, the irony in this little adventure is that my Mac mini has been sitting on my desk looking pretty for a long time now and the first time I actually try to use it, it practically fucking breaks on me to the point that I now have to take it in for service, lest I void the warranty by cracking the plastic bitch open myself. For a device that was supposed to allow me to forget all of -- okay, some of -- my Microsoft woes, I'm sure off to a rip-roaring start, aren't I?
Wait, it gets better. Since I couldn't do anything else, I opted to install the OS X.4.8 update, on the off-chance the problem would correct itself after its installation. After restart, the actual DVD-R drive no longer shows up in System Profiler at all. See, it just keeps getting better.
Ahhh, the glory days of the PC. Hark, hark, wherefore art thou PC? How I have forsaken thee!
I called Apple Support and apart from being flabbergasted by the finer details of the standard warranty support agreement, I learned that intel Macs don't have Open Firmware. So even if I bought a new Apple keyboard I would still be racking my brain trying to eject this fucking CD -- the 'last resort' from all the solutions I read through indicated that the eject cd command via the Open Firmware utility was just that, the last thing that can potentially fix the issue before needing to take it to the geniuses at the Apple Store or some other authorized Apple dealer (the last thing to do without voiding the warranty, that is).
Here are the Finer details of Mac support:
Apple's 1-year warranty = they agree to fix it if it's a hardware issue; if it's determined to be a 'software issue', then I pay to have them fix it.
What the fuck? What if the smart alec dweebs at the Apple Store have access to better software utilties that can force eject the optical drive, utilities that I do not have access to? Is it then still called a software issue? It better fucking not be is all I have to say. And what if it's thought that my non-Apple-based-software CD that's stuck in the drive is somehow the culprit? Will that also be deemed a software issue?
Only time will tell, and of course I will let you know the fallout.
In conclusion, I have to say that if this DVD-R drive is a dud and therefore an 'official' hardware issue (to Apple), cool; my drive will be replaced and I'll be able to get on with my life using my new Mac. If not, and it is somehow deemed a software issue by the hypointelligent Apple geniuses**, then I may have to rip someone a new asshole at Apple.
Follow-up:
A couple days later after not playing with it at all, I turned it back on... the CD-ROM mounted on the desktop and ejected without a hitch. I needed to cool off and be away from it, and vice versa for the Mac incidentally. Since that initial frustrating debacle, our relationship has been going very well.
* rectal orifice, to be more specific
** which, by the way, require an appointment booked in advance to see
posted by IM at 12:48 AM
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